Food Glorious Food II : BD IV

The fruits wrought from carcasses of swine are regarded here in much the same way as hardcore pornography back home. It's there if you want it and know how to find it, but kept out of sight from children and self-respecting members of the community.
Plenty of poor substitutes are available in the form of beef or chicken luncheon meat, chicken hotdogs and rashers of breakfast veal. Stocking my food cupboard has become considerably easier in recent months. Having discovered larger chain supermarkets outside Manama, vast quantities of ready-made meals and cooking sauces are now at my disposal. Cheese is ridiculously hard to get hold of. Coldstores only seem to stock 'Happy Cow" a Dairy Lea type of product and processed cheese slices that the locals can't get enough of. Jawads (the local name for the Tesco brand), has a nice little deli section with a good range of mouldy cheeses and it was while perusing these nuggets of creamery gold that I stumbled across a shrine.

Barely noticeable was a gap leading to a secret treasure of more pork produce than you could shake a pot of apple sauce at. Pate, hotdogs, sausages, bacon, chops, loin, ribs, even that pie with the egg in the middle. Filling my basket like Hong Kong Phooey would, I slowed when the display degenerated into a pork autopsy. I was at an exhibition of body parts more suitable for grinding down to fertilizer than human consumption. Knuckles, bags of tails and icepops of blood, rinds, tongues and testicles - you name it, it was there, pink and frozen. 
Already stilted I halted abruptly when presented to the 10.23kg, cling film wrapped head of the creature who's anatomy was commonly disguised as a desirable accompaniment to egg, beans, grilled tomato and tattie scones.

Must admit, it looked quite serene…

Dichotomy : BD III

I was wandering around the Manama Souq looking for a suitable vendor from which to purchase beds for some friends imminent and much anticipated visit. In an alleyway I saw a woman sitting with whom I presumed was her offspring.
The child was obviously suffering from borderline malnutrition, barely aware of its surroundings, skin and threadlike muscles sagging from it's bones. I observed, while passing, as she tried to slide bread into the child's mouth which was just a slack opening to a head lolling about in her arms.
I found exactly what I wanted, paid BD30 (£50) of the 60 I was carrying, went home and ate a meal of sundried tomato and oregano pasta in a red pesto sauce with a glass of freshly juiced mango, while waiting for the delivery of my acquisitions.

Two days ago I found a dog lying outside the office, protecting itself from the afternoon sun in the shade of our building. The animal was obviously suffering from borderline malnutrition, barely aware of its surroundings, skin and threadlike muscles sagging from it's bones. I went back into the office and took from the fridge the packet of sliced roast beef I had planned to make sandwiches from for the forthcoming weeks lunch. I threw the meat to the dog and cautiously it emerged from its shelter, sniffed the food and with a swift jerk of its head threw it down its throat.
The next evening, on my way home, I saw the same dog sniffing beside one of the many restaurant bins which pollute the afternoon air. As I reached out to pat its head, it turned sharply, snarled with a vehemence I'd never before witnessed in an animal and ran off.

Food Glorious Food : BD II

Baked Beans, staple side-dish of the UK. So what's your favorite brand?

I've never liked Heinz myself - too sweet, always preferred Cross & Blackwell. Here Heinz is king, which makes me wonder just how many cans of beans are sold every day? A rather dull ponderance I admit, but what I'm trying to say is that undertravelled as I am, it's never struck me how huge the world is population wise, but how small it now seems related to consumer goods.

Shopping here has so far been a bit of a sod, supermarkets just ain't that super, selling the same limited range of canned goods - except for one which stocks Chicken Tonight - bless 'em. I guess the main problem is that convenience food hasn't quite made it here yet, the decline of the Traditional Nuclear Family and Stay At Home Mum in the West has truly left its mark. Sure, there's take-aways, McDonalds, KFC, Dairy Queen, Hardies and a whole list of other burger, pizza/kebab shops and stalls, but there's a severe lack of stuff like Dolmio, Uncle Bens, and Balchelors cooking sauces. I just like to come home, chop up a lump of dead animal flesh, fry it until golden brown, add sauce and simmer for 15 minutes, serve with rice and my preferred vegetable of choice.

The equivalent of finding something easy to make for tea out here is like hunting wildlife with a slingshot in the UK.

OK, slight exaggeration.

One night I went to do a bit of shopping. Collecting the coconut oil, herbs, spices and the other bits 'n' bobs needed to make a Korma presented little effort, I then went on a quest for chicken. Having found the butchery department I noticed some nice, plump, juicy looking chicken breasts.
Making a bee-line to the chill cabinet I thought to myself, hmmm, chicken breast shouldn't have lumps like that all over it… shouldn't have red veiny tracks running around those lumps either and now that I think of it, it most certainly shouldn't have long strands of what looks decidedly like spinal cord running from it whatsoever at all.

I settled for vegetables in my curry that night.

Sheep's Brain Korma was definitely not on the menu.

Lights, Camel Action! : B.D. I

I like a good film but like a bad one even more. I have a tendency to get a bit obsessed about the occasional movie and a prime example of this is "Funny Man". 
I read a review for it years ago while on coffee break at St Georges and decided It had to be seen. Described as a black comedy schlok-horror, destiny decided to stand in my way and disallow me the pleasure to be gained from this potential B-movie classic. The girl I was seeing refused to go, nobody else was interested and foolish pride prevented me going to The Filmhouse alone.

Eventually it came out on video but every time I saw the case, it was on loan. It presented itself to me on a shelf in Virgin Records once, like the Holy Grail, but I didn't have enough money and upon returning with the fiscal requirements for the purchase, somebody had beaten me to it. 
A casual interest in this film was becoming a distinct NEED to see it, a need that was put to rest my last Saturday in Edinburgh before departing for Bahrain when I paid Virgin one last visit - to no avail.

Enter Queen Video stage left.

Let me first introduce you to the world of video shops in Bahrain. They may have about 30 actual films on display, the rest are pirate copies selected from ring binders filled with hundreds of photocopied video covers. Queen video has more films in its horror selection than the average Blockbuster has in its entire library. Lets see if you can guess what film they have?


Approximately 3,700 miles from when it was filmed, I found a copy of Funny Man. Where Edinburgh had failed me Manama, Bahrain was welcoming me with open arms, granting my desires and putting to rest a borderline obsession that has lasted almost three years.

It was out.